This morning I decided today would be a total fun day - I would not have to do any work for my calculus class or do any research/work for my future school plans. (Well, I violated that a bit because I did feel compelled to spend about 30 minutes making a stream of consciousness list of "to do" items for my coming semester and things I want to remember to think about/do for longer-term stuff.) So of course, right after breakfast and checking my email, I decided to spend the next couple of hours doing housework - cleaning and cooking. I even unloaded and loaded the dishwasher so my Dish Cleaning Fairy wouldn't have to do it (which turned out well since the DCF came home from work with a migraine today and fell into bed immediately upon putting on more comfortable clothes).
Then I finally started reading a blog that I had come across and had been looking forward to delving into when I had some time - The Happiness Project blog. This is the blog of a woman planning to write a book about happiness based on a year of her life, trying to apply the myriad prescriptions for happiness, from Epicurus through Oprah. I started with the very first entry in the archives and am working my way toward the present. I immediately recognized a kindred spirit in many ways - she is a Crazy Person about organization, clutter-busting & closet cleaning (she quoted a magazine article in which a reader suggested a term opposite to a pack rat - a "wouldchuck" - which I like a lot), sticking with her routine, and other Myers Briggs Judger type qualities.
If you're interested in reading a post that made me laugh out loud (I mean this in the literal sense), check out this post about her failings during "Pollyanna Week." The orange bracelet observation was priceless.
I am familiar with a fair amount of the happiness research but have found that historically, I have resisted many of the things that have been known for centuries to make people happy - things like doing favors for others, taking care to notice your good circumstances and feel grateful, making the decision to think about something in a positive rather than negative light (i.e. re-framing), creating and maintaining flourishing social networks, etc. When I was younger (as a teenager specifically - not like last week), I fell into that unfortunate tendency to assume that using any of these kinds of Jedi mind tricks (see, even the name I gave them demonstrates my disdain) on oneself was bogus and "inauthentic." But I got a little older, fell in love with the works of psychologist William James (this love not to be confused with uncritical acceptance), and slowly came to see that these mind hacks (notice the terminology improvement) can serve a useful, positive purpose. This is not to say that I have made much of an effort to trying them in any systematic way, though I think it would be a good idea. My alter ego remains a mean, curmudgeonly loner, keepin' it real with depression and anxiety.
I was quite taken by these quotations from the Happiness Project blog, which resonate with me:
W. H. Auden observed, “Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidental limitations which it is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity.”
But in the meantime, I keep reminding myself of something C. S. Lewis wrote: “When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” I don't want my pride to keep me from venturing away from the familiar.
I still struggle with these issues in a big way.
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4 comments:
I definitely used the power of positive thinking to get through the boredom of high school. I also subscribe to the theory that the act of physically smiling does improve your mood. Of course, ultimately, doing the things you enjoy helps too. ;)
I remember when you were resolutely opposed to mind hacks. I'm glad to have specific confirmation that it's no longer the case.
I've done one thing that sounds like a Jedi mind hack. At summer camp the kids would request the same camp songs over and over. Even songs I had enjoyed at first got old. But when I pretended I enjoyed singing them, and remembered how much I had liked them when I had first heard them, I really did have more fun. I was mostly just trying to see the songs from their points of view instead of from mine.
Another strategy was to change the words in ways so subtle that no one but me knew I was being subversive. Ideally, the new version has similar mouthshapes, a completely different meaning, and still makes sense. Well, ideally the new song is better, but I never achieved that. In fact, I achieved subversiveness with only two songs. Here's the better success.
Original:
Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other gold.
Pleasant. And you can sing it as a round.
Subversive:
Bake new breads; reheat the old.
One is still raw and the other cold.
**
I really like that happiness project blog and am also going to read the whole thing.
When I was about ten years younger, noticing my good circumstances did tend to make me feel grateful. These days it tends to make me feel ashamed that I have accomplished as little as I have, despite the advantages I had starting out. I am closer to forty than twenty now, and still haven't conclusively determined which of my personality traits can/must be transcended/outgrown and which are ineffably part of me. Thank you nonetheless for your ruminations on happiness.
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