"Moving Up" Column: October 31, 2008

by Claude Papillon

This week, the Austin-based, privately-held firm Salligent announced the promotion of Mr. Leopold Rex to the newly-created post of Chief Morale Officer. Mr. Rex has been in Salligent's special projects division for over four years and is best-known for his work on the demolition of Rabbit Castle.

Salligent CEO Sally Porter gave Mr. Rex the nod after brief discussion with Mom Consulting, a "compassionate problem-solving agency" that has advised Salligent for decades. Ms. Porter stated, "I am thrilled with the opportunity to spend more time, working more closely with Leo, and I am confident that he will excel in his new role."

Sources close to the company reveal that despite an outward appearance of success and aplomb, recently Ms. Porter has been increasingly plagued by stress as the deadlines for several key ventures come closer. "[Chief Financial Officer] Robert Eggman has been telling her that she keeps moving the goal posts on herself, making it impossible for her to achieve success in her own eyes. I know he supports her near-obsession with maintaining a high activity level, not only for herself but all Salligent employees, but at one point, Eggman accused her to her face of 'underprivileging laziness,' which is true, but a risky move for such a conservative, diplomatic, and frankly small-and-not-particularly-adept-at-physical-defense person to make. It just shows how fraught the situation has become."

Noted industrial psychologist and magician Atto Vinbad of Vinbad & Mocktar congratulated Salligent, and Ms. Porter in particular, for the savvy decision.

"Sally Porter has long struggled with work-life balance issues, becoming intensely overachieving to the point of undermining her own success with poor health brought on by strain. She clearly has difficulty incorporating either of the two most prominent off-the-shelf philosophies into her own life, possibly because she's thought about them at all. The 'work hard, play hard' ideal requires a sort of all-out competitiveness that exhausts, and the 'sharpening the saw' ethic is troublesome for people who become mildly offended at the prospect of carrying that damn saw everywhere they go.

"Yet she also finds unstructured downtime boring and somewhat crazy-making. Leopold Rex presents a, shall we say, third way of negotiating this issue. I believe that if she can simply learn by his example, the 'Hop, Stop, Flop' technique can be very effective in maintaining a high level of performance without running herself ragged. The important thing is knowing when hopping, stopping, and flopping are the appropriate activities to undergo.

"We will all be hoping that Ms. Porter brings her well-developed planning and categorization skills to her observations and interactions with Mr. Rex. Although I have not had the chance myself to work with him, on stage or elsewhere, his feistiness, willingness to follow through, tendency to look adorable all the time, and incredibly soft fur are legend."

Details of Mr. Rex's compensation package are not precisely known, though rumors suggest that Ms. Porter sweetened the deal with additional golden raisins and fresh basil leaves. Mr. Rex could not be reached for comment, as he has spent the week chewing grass mats and taking long naps in the Sphinx and Dead Bunny positions he has perfected during his tenure at Salligent.