by Dominique Argente
Insiders report that there's trouble in paradise over at Salligent this week! Recently promoted Chief Morale Officer Leopold Rex is not so happy with his job or his boss lately, which can't bode well for the organization as a whole. If your CMO ain't happy, can anyone be happy?
It appears that the "carrot, not stick" strategy Rex recommends for motivating employees and increasing satisfaction hasn't caught on with company bigwigs. Sources say that Salligent CEO Sally Porter and CFO Robert Eggman have been ganging up on Rex and undermining his position: "Porter holds him down and Eggman stabs him in the back, literally, every day! You should hear the thumping!"
The only hope is that both Porter and Eggman have been "feeling sick" this week. After all this mistreatment, perhaps their consciences are catching up with them, or perhaps they simply recognize that they risk alienating their CMO for good with their aggressive, back-stabbing ways.
CORRECTION to "Inside Business" Column
On December 10, we reported that the Salligent company has been demoralizing their Chief Morale Officer Leopold Rex by "literally" stabbing him in the back on a daily basis. Unfortunately, this paper assumed that the source describing these events was using the word "literally" to mean "figuratively" or "metaphorically" rather than "literally."
Further discussions with CEO Sally Porter, CFO Robert Eggman, and Dr. Tina Bunnyluv of the local House Rabbit society revealed that Mr. Rex is suffering from a potentially deadly infection that Salligent's executive management staff have been treating with daily shots of antibiotic. Porter says, "Leopold hasn't liked this whole 'grab and stab' approach to treatment, but it has been necessary. We've all been pleased with how much he grumbles and fights it, since this grumpiness demonstrates how much he has regained his strength. He's now well on the road to recovery and is taking his medication orally. I was concerned about him refusing to take pills, but since the medication is a liquid, it has gone well so far. Leopold continues to delight and motivate all members of this organization in sickness and in health. We couldn't be happier with him. And all things considered, he seems pretty happy with us, too." Mr. Eggman could not be reached for comment since he is at home, sick and asleep.
-ed.
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2 comments:
With Leopold Rex on board and doing much better it looks like Salligent won't need a bailout.
Heh. Though I wouldn't turn down $25 billion if someone wanted to give it to me.
Robert says, "Though revenues are off about 40% in 2008, I do not think we'll need to do any lay-offs."
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